What's on the inside
by LesstheHero
Summary: Most of the people think that Kendall is the perfect leader, the perfect big brother, the perfect boyfriend. They never see what's on the inside, or do they?


**Title: What's on the inside**

**Summary:** Most of the people think that Kendall is the perfect leader, the perfect big brother, the perfect boyfriend. They never see what's on the inside, or do they?  
**Disclaimer: **I don't own BTR.  
**Beta Reader: **JendallRush (hey Jendall, if you're reading this ILY! :D)

**Kinda based on a true story...**

* * *

He was a disaster, but he didn't care.

_His mind was a disaster._

He was sure everyone saw him like the leader.

As the one who always remain calm, the one you can go to if you're sad or if you have a problem.  
The one who comes up with plans. The big brother-type.

But under all that, he was a disaster.

He was afraid. Afraid of people knowing who he really was.  
Most important, everyone knowing his weakness, his fears. His friends, his long-time friends, had never thought that Kendall Knight, was ever near to depression, neither that he had suicidal thoughts.

That only happened once, but it happened. He tried.

But he didn't, why?

His family and best friends were always on his mind.  
He couldn't leave them.  
His mind always told him, _all pain can go away if you tell your friends_, but he couldn't. Or he thought that he couldn't.

That tiny line of silence and fear, was stuck between him, and all he loved.

Katie, he love her. His little sister. Always looking up to him. He couldn't let her know anything about it.

His mom, that constantly working lady, she deserve better. He couldn't let her down.

Carlos, James, Logan. They were part of his family too, they were close, and what would they do without him by their side? What would _he_do without them by his side? He didn't want to know.

He never thought about cutting.

Thank God he never did.

There were some times when he wished he could just disappear. He wished he was Invisible.  
His friends made him think otherwise, and Katie is such a great support.

Right now he's on the rooftop.

_Ready to jump?_ Nah, got better things to do.

But Like What?

_Yeah maybe if I jump now..._

One step.

Several steps.

"Hey Kendall, why are you up here?" called one of his friends, the shortest of them all, Carlos. He turned around and saw him, and the others, but mostly him, looking so innocent and childish, big brown eyes and bright smile. God, the kid was one of the reason he didn't had the heart to leave.

"We've being looking for you everywhere!" Logan added, he was obviously worried, he noted on the tone of his voice. He couldn't help but smile at the guys in front of him. James was smiling at him, he said something like "_We really missed you_". Kendall wasn't sure if it was that or only his imagination, but he believed he heard those words.

"We really love you"

Yeah, he wasn't sure which one of them said it, or if it was all of them, but it was enough for him.

Somehow, even when he was afraid of saying it, his friends knew, at least, that something was wrong with him. They knew it wasn't easy for him to say out loud his feelings, except for the times he says their all for one, he's there for them. He really mean it. And so they do want to be for him when he's not okay.

From that moment, he smiled at them. A real smile.

Because he knew he still wasn't okay. But he didn't care at all.

He friends loved him the way he is, even with his flaws, his fears, his mistakes.

He knew more than anyone else, that everybody is perfect, on their own way.

Because of Carlos, Logan, James, his Mother and Little sister, Kendall couldn't be any more than a great friend, son and brother. Perfect in his own way.

"Come on, your mom made dinner"

They walked down to their apartment. They had dinner. They talked. They played.

Even thought Kendall's mind was still the same, he knew,.  
_He knew_, his life couldn't be more perfect at the moment.

And he couldn't be any happier.

* * *

**First BTR fanfiction ever! Hope everyone liked it... **

**Oh and I hope everyone is doing okay and have a happy (late) new year! :3**


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